I am a Christian. I grew up learning about forgiveness - God's towards me, me towards everyone else at least 490 times (but at time 491 look out!) Of all the doctrines of Christ, this one has been the hardest for me.
Somehow, if I forgive you for doing me wrong, I've let you off the hook. Especially if you didn't ask for forgiveness. I want to stay angry, hurt, indignant, and wounded right up until the judgement day so I can stand as a witness in my injured state to the wrong that you did to me. Just in case God forgot about it. Or you forgot about it. Or that you don't get the punishment you deserve. My injury will be evidence of your sin.
Live long enough with this code of reluctant forgiveness, and there are a lot of unforgiven people in my life that I'm dragging along with me on my way to glory and the judgement.
But wait - Jesus says He won't forgive me if I don't forgive everyone. EVERYONE???!!! Come on - Hitler? 9/11 pilots? My 11th grade chemistry teacher? My mother?
I have 2 knees totally replaced with titanium and 1 hip with ceramic. I have joint pain in nearly every joint. I've dabbled in energy work and the emotional causes of illness. Knee problems are related to being inflexible, prideful, stubborn, not wanting to bend to authority. I had my diseased gallbladder and gallstones removed. That organ is related to refusing to forgive. Chronic constipation: Unwilling to release old feelings and beliefs.
Let me think: I do not want to forgive YOU because I want you to suffer right up to the judgement bar of God.
Wait! Who is really suffering? ME
Could a loving God have given me yet another tip on how to live happy and well? And the other guy painted it with wimpy colors making forgiveness look like becoming a doormat?
I visualize my life backpack given at birth. I can put in it whatever life souvenirs I choose. Memories, lessons, relationships,
and people I refuse to forgive. Double take!!!
No wonder life has felt so burdensome. No wonder I don't have any energy. No wonder the joy has been sucked dry and left me wondering if this is all there is. Every person I have refused to forgive is a rock in my backpack and I just carry it along with me day after day, adding to my "rock" collection as life goes on.
That explains why, with a few well-crafted sentences, after years of practice, I can get just as indignant, hurt, angry, lonely, and injured as the day the infraction occurred. Talk about time travel. It's like it just happened - right now, right here. BECAUSE I NEVER FORGAVE YOU!
You hurt me once and I'm hurting me over and over and over.
And most of the time, you don't even remember what you did. My not forgiving you has not affected your life in any way. Your backpack does not have a rock in it with my name on it.
Let go and let God. Catchy phrase but I think true.
But I'm clear that forgiving you does NOT make what you did OK. And I will do all I can to prevent you from hurting me again. I will make sure you don't have access to me in that way again.
AND I will not carry you along in my backpack anymore. God will sort things out. Forgiveness is a gift I give myself - not you. I will leave the end game to Him who understands all things and knows both our hearts.
How will I do this? VERY CAREFULLY.
1. I will work with my thoughts and find a new thought (I can believe) to think about what happened
2. I will pray for assistance with #1 and ask that my heart be healed through Jesus Christ.
3. I will ask to see YOU the way God does - warts and all - His child who He cherishes.
4. I will seek for my part in the problem and adjust my behavior accordingly.
5. I will pray for love and light to fill the darkness of grudge-holding in my heart.
6. And I will have compassion for the human that you are - as I am just as human.
One thing I've tried that has really expedited forgiveness in tough situations is to serve the person you cannot yet forgive.
WHAT??!!!
Yep, service. Do unto others.
One lady I wrote a letter of praise after seeing her sing on TV. I had held a heavy vendetta on her for 5 years. The anger has slowly dissipated until I can't remember the feeling of hatred I once felt.
It's a process - and freedom is on the other side. And better health. And sleep filled nights. And no longer being forced to avoid, ignore, collide or fight with anyone. (You know the sudden aisle change at the grocery store or becoming very interested in a book at the library or other avoidance techniques to make sure you don't bump into them. Or the family dinner or class reunion you refuse to attend.)
Forgive - empty your backpack. Think a new thought. Rewrite the past with that new thought. Move forward free. Jesus had a great idea - one far reaching and comprehensive for a happy life. Thanks, Jesus. It will take a lifetime to perfect this strategy, but I'm game. What have I got to lose besides a lot of "rocks." Walking should be a lot easier soon. Even my knees will thank me.
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