Can I Pick me without being Selfish?

Selfish: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

• Mom said, "Don't be selfish - share with your sister."
• Teacher said, "We are not selfish in this class.  Give it to him."
• Daughter said, "You're so selfish.  It's only 10:30 pm.  Why won't you give me a ride to April's?"
• Husband said, "I had no idea you could be so selfish as to leave me alone with the kids for a week."
• You said, "It would be selfish to continue spending money on my art class when the car just broke down."

Don't be selfish with time, energy, emotions, money.  Living unselfish is communal living all the way.  (I was a little too young in the 60's to run off and join a commune but it sure looked attractive!)  I got the message loud and clear. 

Selfish - BAD.

Selfless:  concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish.

I grew up hearing this term in church:  Selfless Service.  It was idolized, glorified, and set up as a goal for each woman.  Our ticket to heaven. 

Selfless - GOOD

I believed as a young mom that if I went down, the ship sank.  (Try being down with the flu with 3 under 3 - not a pretty sight!) That meant I mustn't get sick, tired, busy, involved, or go anywhere farther away than 5 minutes.  In other words, no life for me.  

THAT belief led to obesity, depression, illness, suicidal thoughts and regret.  

Self-less literally means "without self."  Hollow, exhausted, resentful, regretful, angry, robotic, going through the motions service.  What kind of service would THAT be with the SELF?

Self-less becomes life-less.  Also BAD

Could there be another option???

Self Interested: concerned for one's own well-being

As a woman, I've realized that if I'm not interested in my self, there are no people lining up to be interested in me.  I've not had family members say, 

• "Honey, you're working too hard.  Let me take some of your workload."  OR 
• "Deb, you look like you need a break.  Let me take over and you go do something fun."  OR  
• "Mom, you are exhausted.  Go to bed and I'll clean up."

Would be music (think Josh Groban) to my ears but it hasn't happened yet.  Not holding my breath either.

If I need help, or a break, or sleep I am the one to make it happen. I don't function without sleep, breaks, and help when it's beyond even my Super Woman status.  So wouldn't acting from Self-Interest be the kindest, most giving thing to do to make sure I'm my best self able to keep the ship afloat?

Novel idea:  To take the best care of YOU, I will take the best care of ME.  Not sometimes but every day.

Selfish I take the cookie.  Selfless I give you the cookie.  Self-interested we split the cookie.

I vote for everyone getting a cookie, chocolate chip of course!!