And I say, SO WHAT?
Rude, you say? Hear me out.
I, too, felt that my needs weren't being met by sweet husband (he's diabetic and high blood sugar often so...sweet he is, sometimes too sweet!)
He's a guy.
Maybe he didn't know what I needed.
Maybe he hadn't heard me for 40 years tell him what I wanted him to do.
Maybe he forgot when he felt inspired to take care of my needs.
Maybe he needed of list of how to rock my world.
So I made him one. A long list with 20 things he could do to meet my needs, bring a smile to my lips and make me feel loved. (Another thought error I'll talk about another day - no one can MAKE me feel loved.)
I printed it off, laminated it (so it would last til the end of time or at least til I died), and taped it to the bookshelf over his computer. Nice and visible. Easy for him to check.
1 year went by.
2 years went by.
And still he didn't get to it on his "To Do" list for my happiness. WTH!!!??? (What the heck - don't get crazy on me.)
Then I learned a life changing concept from Brooke Castillo in her Someone to Love Podcast. I only had to listen to it 8 times to get it. I was out walking and I just kept starting it over and over - I must have walked 10 miles that day back and forth in front of my house. And I got this transformative, simplistic, fantastic idea:
What if I met my needs, and he met his and we came together for the party??
I think he's always been pretty good meeting at meeting his needs. He traveled a lot with his job and was quite independent for several days a week. He knew how to take care of himself. So we have half the equation solved. Now for my half.
I took that lovely list and item by item I went through and figured out how I could meet my needs so I could come to our relationship as a whole person, not a needy person with a list.
These flowers are my reminder to meet my needs. I love fresh flowers. I've asked for them so many times. In 44 years, maybe 5 times he's brought me flowers? Definitely no more than 10. That's a conservative average of once every 4.4 years. You know what I decided? I'd buy them for myself. I admit, I felt funny the first few times. Could I just DO that? Most definitely YES. So every Friday I buy fresh flowers and arrange them for my office. And that was just the beginning.
I love foot massages. I now get a massage every month.
I love to read books and discuss the in's and out's. I now read books with a friend and we dissect each motivation and plot.
I love to be read to. There's this wonderful thing called Books on Tape (or CD or Kindle.)
Item by item, I created a way to meet my needs. Now each time I take care of myself and meet a need, I feel more powerful, confident, and full of self-love. AND I stopped being mad at him for NOT meeting my needs.
The only thing on the list I couldn't do myself? Hold my hand when in public. And I guess I could even do that!
Rude, you say? Hear me out.
I, too, felt that my needs weren't being met by sweet husband (he's diabetic and high blood sugar often so...sweet he is, sometimes too sweet!)
He's a guy.
Maybe he didn't know what I needed.
Maybe he hadn't heard me for 40 years tell him what I wanted him to do.
Maybe he forgot when he felt inspired to take care of my needs.
Maybe he needed of list of how to rock my world.
So I made him one. A long list with 20 things he could do to meet my needs, bring a smile to my lips and make me feel loved. (Another thought error I'll talk about another day - no one can MAKE me feel loved.)
I printed it off, laminated it (so it would last til the end of time or at least til I died), and taped it to the bookshelf over his computer. Nice and visible. Easy for him to check.
1 year went by.
2 years went by.
And still he didn't get to it on his "To Do" list for my happiness. WTH!!!??? (What the heck - don't get crazy on me.)
Then I learned a life changing concept from Brooke Castillo in her Someone to Love Podcast. I only had to listen to it 8 times to get it. I was out walking and I just kept starting it over and over - I must have walked 10 miles that day back and forth in front of my house. And I got this transformative, simplistic, fantastic idea:
What if I met my needs, and he met his and we came together for the party??
I think he's always been pretty good meeting at meeting his needs. He traveled a lot with his job and was quite independent for several days a week. He knew how to take care of himself. So we have half the equation solved. Now for my half.
I took that lovely list and item by item I went through and figured out how I could meet my needs so I could come to our relationship as a whole person, not a needy person with a list.
I love foot massages. I now get a massage every month.
I love to read books and discuss the in's and out's. I now read books with a friend and we dissect each motivation and plot.
I love to be read to. There's this wonderful thing called Books on Tape (or CD or Kindle.)
Item by item, I created a way to meet my needs. Now each time I take care of myself and meet a need, I feel more powerful, confident, and full of self-love. AND I stopped being mad at him for NOT meeting my needs.
The only thing on the list I couldn't do myself? Hold my hand when in public. And I guess I could even do that!
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