I don't mean I'm mechanically minded or skilled. I mean I can take anything enjoyable, fun, and pleasurable and turn it into work. It's a gift. I was just born this way!! Ok, maybe not, but it sure seems to come natural.
I was a young mom of 4 at the time, ages 8 to 2. I felt my brain turning to mush and my happy joy joy running low. We lived in a great neighborhood with an average of 3 kids per house times 60 homes in a big oval layout. It truly was the village raising the kids. Most of us mom's were stay at home mama's and there was always a mama outside to yell at, I mean guide, the future leaders of our community!
We were all in the same boat - too much month and not enough money, cars that broke down, trying to keep our successful reproduction limited to one every 2 years at least (and of course there were those failed attempts to keep that spacing - another blog story), more day than patience, and a hunger and thirst for adult fun. Not that kind, just the kind where you don't use the words "potty" and "binky" and "wubby."
I learned about a lady who taught calligraphy in her home. What fun! I loved old text and fancy script so this was a natural attraction. I signed up. I loved class. Until she gave us homework. That's when I began to sweat. When was I going to have time for homework?
Every week on the day of class, I was the mommy from that fiery place, desperately trying to carve
out some time to practice our letters of the week because in mere hours I would have to demonstrate for all to see how I didn't get better. Lots of "What will people think?" going on in my head. Remember, this was way way way before Thought Models changed my world.
I vowed to practice every day next week - and sometimes I would actually do it. But the fun of that first class got lost in trying to keep up, look good, excel, and practice like I SHOULD. I turned the love of calligraphy into WORK. I didn't sign up again and I didn't continue on my own.
I've done that over and over with quilting, cake decorating, drawing, and guitar. I started out excited and then because of my high expectations for myself, I milked the joy right out of it and ended up quitting. Therefore, I can't quilt, decorate a cake beyond hard sugar letters and candles, still doing stick figures, and can only play 3 out of the 4 chords in The House of the Rising Sun. (a 60' favorite, Google it!)
I needed a break, some diversion from hectic mommy life, something I felt expressed my skill, something permanent that didn't need to be done over again tomorrow. But everytime I poked my head out of the laundry, cleaning, carpool hole and tried to fill those needs, I ruined it by pushing myself so hard and expecting too much and making it all work instead of fun and a way to recharge ME.
What a shame! "Girls just wanna work ha-rd" would never have sold as lyrics. Maybe I was always trying to prove my worth through my performance at home, at classes, at church. Maybe I could have tried just being me - warts and all - and just enjoyed something for no productive reason other than it was fun. I need someone to give me permission.
It's still hard -"Idle hands are the devil's workshop" was my mom's motto. My faith in God and a plan for my life compels me to be going, doing, giving all that is significant and meaningful. But it says in Ecclesiastes that "There is a time for every purpose under heaven."
Time just for me, just for fun, just for pleasure. Men (and women) are that they might have joy.
I think I'll find another calligraphy class and take it - just for fun! And if you need permission to pursue your version of a calligraphy class, I hereby give it to you!!
Have FUN!
I was a young mom of 4 at the time, ages 8 to 2. I felt my brain turning to mush and my happy joy joy running low. We lived in a great neighborhood with an average of 3 kids per house times 60 homes in a big oval layout. It truly was the village raising the kids. Most of us mom's were stay at home mama's and there was always a mama outside to yell at, I mean guide, the future leaders of our community!
We were all in the same boat - too much month and not enough money, cars that broke down, trying to keep our successful reproduction limited to one every 2 years at least (and of course there were those failed attempts to keep that spacing - another blog story), more day than patience, and a hunger and thirst for adult fun. Not that kind, just the kind where you don't use the words "potty" and "binky" and "wubby."
I learned about a lady who taught calligraphy in her home. What fun! I loved old text and fancy script so this was a natural attraction. I signed up. I loved class. Until she gave us homework. That's when I began to sweat. When was I going to have time for homework?
Every week on the day of class, I was the mommy from that fiery place, desperately trying to carve out some time to practice our letters of the week because in mere hours I would have to demonstrate for all to see how I didn't get better. Lots of "What will people think?" going on in my head. Remember, this was way way way before Thought Models changed my world.
I vowed to practice every day next week - and sometimes I would actually do it. But the fun of that first class got lost in trying to keep up, look good, excel, and practice like I SHOULD. I turned the love of calligraphy into WORK. I didn't sign up again and I didn't continue on my own.
I've done that over and over with quilting, cake decorating, drawing, and guitar. I started out excited and then because of my high expectations for myself, I milked the joy right out of it and ended up quitting. Therefore, I can't quilt, decorate a cake beyond hard sugar letters and candles, still doing stick figures, and can only play 3 out of the 4 chords in The House of the Rising Sun. (a 60' favorite, Google it!)
I needed a break, some diversion from hectic mommy life, something I felt expressed my skill, something permanent that didn't need to be done over again tomorrow. But everytime I poked my head out of the laundry, cleaning, carpool hole and tried to fill those needs, I ruined it by pushing myself so hard and expecting too much and making it all work instead of fun and a way to recharge ME.
What a shame! "Girls just wanna work ha-rd" would never have sold as lyrics. Maybe I was always trying to prove my worth through my performance at home, at classes, at church. Maybe I could have tried just being me - warts and all - and just enjoyed something for no productive reason other than it was fun. I need someone to give me permission.
It's still hard -"Idle hands are the devil's workshop" was my mom's motto. My faith in God and a plan for my life compels me to be going, doing, giving all that is significant and meaningful. But it says in Ecclesiastes that "There is a time for every purpose under heaven."
Time just for me, just for fun, just for pleasure. Men (and women) are that they might have joy.
I think I'll find another calligraphy class and take it - just for fun! And if you need permission to pursue your version of a calligraphy class, I hereby give it to you!!
Have FUN!
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