Stay married even if he doesn't change.

Is that even possible?

It's obvious if my husband would just:

• talk with a sweeter tone
• let me rant until the vent has cleared
• stop playing video games (death to the Zelda creators)
• take me dancing (he says he can hold me in his arms every night in bed - who needs dancing?)
• lose weight (I miss those pecs and guns)
• think that traveling to Ireland is the perfect vacation 

if he'd just make those little changes, my wildest dreams would come true -

I'd be happily married!

*Husbands should be our best friends.  

*I should always find him sexy.  

*I should miss him when he's gone (instead of planning my treats for my Downton Abbey binge).  *He should meet all my needs. 

*Being married to him should make me a better person.  

*We should do everything together.  

*I want to grow old with him (wait, I've already done that.  I guess older then.)

Look at all those SHOULD's.  

I'm SHOULDing all over him AND my marriage.

No surprise I sometimes plan my Fantasy Exit Strategy with thoughts like those.  

I tried an experiment right before Valentine's.  Every day I thought about the beginning of our Love Story (and not the kind where "Love means never having to say you're sorry" - Google it younglings.)  I pulled out old photos.  Listened to "OUR" music (which so much of has been remade which proves all the good music was written in the 60's.)  Wrote him a love letter.  Made lists of all the wonderful things he does - he can fix literally ANYTHING with gum, duct tape, and super glue.  I think I married MacGyver.  

It was a conscious directing of my thoughts.  I wanted to not just love him but be IN LOVE with him for Valentines.

And the emotions followed.  I actually felt romantic on Valentines.  And he must of clairvoyantly received it all because he fixed dinner, bought flowers (you know from previous blogs that has happened maybe 10 times in 44 years), bought a cute table cloth, red plates and cups, and packed us all up for the drive to our favorite hideaway at the beach for dinner.  It was a movie set Valentines for both of us.  I couldn't "Wait until Dark (our first date was to see that movie).  I decorated the bedroom and giggled like a 20 year old (I was 20 when we got married.)

From Fantasy Exit Strategy to His and Hers animal print nighties.  What made the difference?

Intentional Thinking.  Picking thoughts that create the emotions I want to feel.  Like picking fruit at the market.  Squeeze, sniff, examine - does it pass the quality inspection of a thought worthy of my marriage?  I think therefore I feel.

It takes energy to do that.  And focused living.  I don't do it all the time.  Sometimes I don't dream of divorce - murder maybe, but not divorce.  

But then I think of how he is my witness - my witness for all of life's challenges, defeats, victories, hurts, triumphs and growth.  He is my person.  You know, the one that until I can tell him what happened, it isn't real?  That guy.  He coached me through 5 births.  Stood by me through too many funerals.  Made me laugh when I was done crying.  And continues to grow old with me.

I think I am staying married - happily - even if he never changes.  And so it will be